I came across a gem of an article on Gulf News Aquarius magazine (click here to read the article) and decided to share it here and inject a few of my own thoughts on the subject.
I have always been fascinated by strong women, those who have changed the course of history and made the world that is today. There are Hatshepsut, Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth, Anne Frank, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Mother Theresa to name a few. And of course, to each and every one of us, who would forget the strongest woman of all that we know – our mothers.
In the old days and in many societies, women are only considered as the bearer and the nurturer of the familial lines of men. She has to be able to cook the best dishes, wash and iron clothes, bathe the children, and teach them how to read and write, etc. And when nighttime comes, when all her strength has left her, she is expected to take care of her man when he arrives home. Unjust and anti-feminist a portrayal as it may seem to many female activists, many men understand this is no laughing matter. This role that women played throughout history has ensured the survival of tribes, kingdoms and monarchies. It is the most sacred of duties only entrusted upon the worthy. Unfortunately, stereotyping has perverted this sacred role hence the birth of the feminist movement in the late 18th century.
Through the struggles of women in history to regain the rightful recognition for the important role they play in the society, women has grown stronger -- emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically. Seldom would you find a woman in today’s world that is a pushover. There is no debate on how far and how strong women have become and achieved over the years. The only question now is, “How strong is strong enough?”
I often have a debate with my best friend of more than 10 years about this subject. She happens to be one of those women who believe in equality of gender. She would rant for hours on about how women are as strong as men and that they should be given the exact same treatment and recognition that any man gets. I am in no way against what she, or other women, fights for. However, for the sake of argument, I always end up representing the other side of the coin just to point out how some of the arguments of a typical feminist are flawed. Jumping on a public transport, it doesn’t take more than five (5) minutes on average before my point is made – she is the first to criticize the sitting man who, according to her, pretends to sleep just so he doesn’t need to stand up and offer a standing woman his seat. Demanding for equal rights with a bit of special treatment? I rest my case.
Going back to the subject, I think the best starting point is to define what strong is. Is strong being able to carry double your weight? Is it being able to pack a punch that could knock a boxer dead? Is it a woman capable of doing everything a typical man can? Or is it the ability to cry your heart out in public when you are hurt? From different standpoints, I would say it is a yes and no.
Some years ago, in my final years in the university, I was invited as a guest speaker to talk about family values. I was just a normal student, not even a straight-A-dean’s-lister type of student. I was a typical student, alongside accomplished men and women in the list of speakers – some of whom were Vice Presidents of well-known organizations, Presidents of society groups, etc. I don’t know how I made the cut, but I guess they needed someone to talk from the standpoint of a student, and that is how I came in the picture.
I can still remember my opening salvo that day. Confident and bordering on arrogant, I said, “…of all the speakers here that have stood before you, I would like to believe that I am the most relevant of all…” I got everyone’s attention alright, including the other speakers. For a few seconds I was readying myself to receive “boo’s” and rotten tomatoes darting my way. Luckily, no one brought rotten tomatoes and they were all patient enough for my next line to either make it or break it. I did follow up by saying, “I say this because of all the speakers here today, I am the only one that speaks to you from our generation.” Everything was calm after that.
In my piece I discussed about strength, not feminine or masculine, but strength as a person. I talked about the role of every home in building this strength. I was thankful growing up in a household where “…my father taught me how to become a man, and my mother taught me how to become a woman.” I came to see the beauty in both. I was brought up to see the best of both worlds where crying was seen differently from two different view frames - both as weakness and strength. Even luckier that I was made to understand the difference.
In my 33 years, I have never seen my dad shed a tear, not once, not even in his lowest. He is, to me, the real picture of strength. But then when I see my mom cry a tear, completely exposing her weakness, it is in that moment that I see her at her strongest. There is a bothersome conclusion that can be made out of this: crying man = weakness; crying woman = strength. I say bothersome because the conclusion draws us into another stereotyping that has created the supremacy race in the first place. I would like to conclude differently and just say that strength is dependent on the role we are given to play and how we play it. The author of the linked article wrote this beautifully:
“A masculine woman is just manly. I don’t have to wear a suit to be heard. I can be intelligent in a dress. It’s about getting in touch with both sides of yourself and finding out how they serve you best. If your feminine side wants to wear heels, it doesn’t mean you want to be treated like a Barbie doll. You can be a strong woman in pink stilettos.”
I have met and known a lot of women who are confident in their stilettos and yet they are no pushovers like a Barbie doll. These women are worthy of any man’s respect. My mom is one of them. She grooms herself much like any woman is expected to, always prim and proper, chin up and stands elegantly on her heels. But you dare try and push her wrong buttons and you would feel the tip of her stiletto entering your thick skull. She is no pushover, but is definitely a woman in all respect.
Growing up with my dad working overseas, I am a living witness to how my mother raised three difficult kids practically on her own. She also had to keep a day job working full-time as an educator. Every single day, she wakes up early morning to prepare our food, bring us to school, get herself ready for work, labor all day, pick us up from school, cook dinner, feed us, help us in our homework, ready us for bed and bring us to dreamland. At times, fatigue catches up on her, and then she cries. But those cries never came across to me as a cry of helplessness, but rather a battle cry of a weary warrior, gathering whatever energy is left inside of her to ready herself for the tougher battles ahead.
Do I see her as strong? Hell yeah!!! Was she too strong for her own good? Hell no! She accomplished beyond what she was expected without forgetting about her main purpose - to be a woman through and through. She fought hard, but she tapped in to her emotionally fragile side. She cried when she needed to cry but she kept fighting, she kept caring and she kept loving. This is the battle-hardiness that most modern women, in pursuit of gender equality have forgotten nowadays. The daily routine of motherhood coupled with the demands of the day job, the constant cut-throat competition in a world previously owned by men, has made women so strong that they have forgotten how to become a woman.
“A modern day fairy tale – the wife got so strong and so self-sufficient that she stopped being a woman in the relationship. And the relationship died. The end. We’re not anti-feminist and we haven’t swallowed a Fifties’ ‘guide to being a perfect housewife’ manual, we are merely questioning whether, in our quest for independence and equality, we have cut off our feminine nose to spite our masculine face.”
Women have become more and more assertive, independent and reliable. In fact, they have grown so reliable that they even give most men a run for their money in the corporate world – a world previously dominated by men. They have learned to endure physical labor and pain, hide emotions and protect their vulnerabilities from the scrutiny of the outside world – traits that are mostly associated with the male hormones.
However, there is the difference in genetic make-up of men and women that separates one from the other. This basic fact is what makes the argument on gender equality fundamentally flawed. Women and their estrogen are meant to function differently than their counterparts in testosterone. You can try hard to bridge the divide between the two totally different genetic makeups, but doing so would mean that you will wander away from the design that you are intended for.
In essence, women have always been, and will always be, the bearer of life and the light that makes the house a home. They have the genetic makeup to bear, nurture and guide the young souls that they magically bring to this world. Men will always be the hunter that brings the sustenance home and ensures that the roof above is sturdy enough to provide protection. However, slight deviations from these cosmic designs that do not contradict the original intent is, in my opinion, a display of real strength.
Sadly, many women have this twisted idea that in order for them to be considered strong and capable, they should be able to do everything that a man can do, and more. In their journey to fulfill this mission, they have forgotten completely of who they are and what they are supposed to be. So now you see heavily muscled women who can lift weights heavier than the regular man can. There are also those women who can play dirty in politics as most politicians (who were mostly male in the past) can. There are those who would just blatantly not follow any man in any way whatsoever. There are even those extreme cases that refuse to do anything associated to being a woman, i.e. bear child, do household chores, dress, walk and talk like a woman, etc. in order to demonstrate that they are not part of what they see as "inferior" gender collectively known as “woman”. You may challenge me on this, but the mere fact that women try to prove to men that they are the stronger gender gives the connotation that they are challenging the benchmark that is the man.
I am not saying that women have a monopoly on this. Of course there are those guys who, not necessarily gay, would just happily take care of the house and kids and completely leave it to the women to go out there and get the daily bread. Now that is just outright weak! End of discussion. But this is subject for another debate. Men, who do this, do so more because of irresponsibility rather than to fight for gender equality.
From another point of view of strength, I was lucky enough to be a living witness to how my old man has fulfilled his own version of going above and beyond the call of duty – of trying to bridge the great divide between the roles that is the man and the woman. He is in no way an old man. I just like the sound of it. I guarantee you, he is capable of beating you fair and square in any young man’s game. My dad, in my younger years, had to work away from home to provide us a better life. He endured working away from his pillar of strength – his family. He did so to achieve what he envisions to achieve. Soon enough, hard work paid off and we were all hopping on a plane with him, to fly towards and to live in that foreign land where he works. My dad’s discipline is impeccable. I have never seen focus and discipline such as his. He was never emotional; he does not cry at the face of adversity, he never gives up on his dreams. He tried hard to instill that kind of strength, focus and discipline in us. He brought us up with the idea that crying is a sign of weakness in a man’s world. He turned tears into a priceless commodity that only a handful of people or events deserve. He has played the role of the “strong” man that he, either by default or by way of society, was programmed to do. Yet, at home, you would see my dad preparing to cook his special dishes right after he has done the groceries, that too after a long and hard day’s work. In our parents' generation where a man doing the chores of a woman is a sign of weakness, my old man dons a cooking fabric with a smile on his face, his eyes glittering with content. Did I see him as weak? Hell no! Do I see him as stronger than his mates? Hell yeah!!! Just ask my mom for a second opinion.
Two different stories, two different genetic makeups, two different presentations of vulnerabilities turned into strengths – they are the man and the woman. To see a crossover between the two roles, executed in complete harmony, is a sight to behold. But to see a crossover for the sole purpose of recognition or a validation of which gender is stronger is a distortion of the grand design. This is not purely for husbands and wives, but also for brothers and sisters, and even friends alike. To crossover in harmony is to expose your vulnerability so that you can emerge stronger; to cry, even if you are not designed to cry, so you can unload a burden; to challenge the status quo so you can be a better person even when it says you cannot do it because of your gender; to bleed when you are wounded to remind you, male or female, that you are human.
Vulnerability should be taught at home at an early age. Every child has the right to exhibit weakness and be made to deal with it early in their lives. It is okay to let children cry when they feel like crying, whether a boy or a girl. It is also okay to forbid a child from crying when he/she feels like crying, again, whether a boy or a girl. The discretion on what is applicable when is where our ancestral knowledge and our own experience come in.
Our society has become fixated on the terms “weak” and “strong”. If you put our society under the microscope right now, you would immediately see that what came out of this fixation is nothing more than a culture of hiding weaknesses under the blanket of false strength. It has become almost like a universal decree that to show one’s weakness is a criminal offense.
There are different ways of hiding vulnerabilities. They are nothing more than defense mechanisms. They demonstrate a wrong sense of strength; a wrong kind of strength that is dictated by pride or fear of rejection. We tend to back off when we need a hug, instead of asking for one. We tend to endure the physical pain instead of asking for help. We refuse to cry in order to hide emotional anguish. We refuse to ask seemingly stupid questions, for fear of being called an idiot.
Our societal norms have turned us all into specie known as “humans” that has forgotten how to become one. The author was right about dogs when she said:
"In the same way that a dog rolls on to his back to expose his vulnerable, soft, organ-filled tummy in order to get a nice, soothing tummy-rub, if you want people to reach out and help you, to support you, to encourage and notice your efforts, perhaps you need to stop being so ‘strong’ and start being a little more realistic about what you can and can’t manage (or what you can manage, but don’t want to)."
A canine pack dynamics is such a wonderful thing to observe. Dogs communicate differently, they are much more primitive than us in this respect, but they don’t have any miscommunications. They are who they are in every aspect, no masks, no pretentious talks, no misleading body languages, just pure relationships based on trust and reliance on others’ strengths and support for others’ weaknesses. There is no one strongest dog in a pack, it is all about strengths and weaknesses working in complete harmony.
Do not get me wrong. Wanting to be stronger is not a bad thing at all. But we should do so without forgetting what we are meant to be in the first place. After all, your true strength comes from the design you are intended for. No one can ever be better at being a man than a man, in the same way that no one can ever be better at being a woman than a woman. To challenge this basic facet is to embark on a losing battle from the onset.
As I keep telling people, gender wars has nothing to do with who is faster, higher, stronger – that is what the Olympics is for. In the sport we call life; there are no winners or losers. It is either you make it or you don’t. The only qualification for this particular sport is you have to be made of flesh, you breathe and you feel. It doesn’t matter if you are man or woman, black or white, young or old, strong or weak. But much like in the Olympics, if you are meant to run, you run. If you are meant to jump, you jump. A runner may cross-train with a jumper if it would make the runner better, and vice versa. But in the end, the runner will always be the runner, and the jumper, the jumper. Ergo, the man will always be a man, the woman, a woman.
So we come back to the original question, “when does strong become too strong for one’s own good?” Simple. It does when you try to break away from stereotypes by forgetting your own roots. A woman, keeping up with the physical strengths of a man, sporting a six pack abs with a pair of biceps that can haul a 250 pound load is just wrong!!! That contradicts the original design of a woman that is delicate, beautiful, graceful and elegant. She is strong alright, but too strong for her own good.
What we should rid of is the negativities associated with stereotypes. Just because a man uses the line, “because she is a woman…” in the context of not being physically as strong or as alert as a man, women should construe this as men demeaning women. In all honesty, how can being a woman, which is synonymous to beauty, grace, elegance and life, be so demeaning? There is nothing wrong with being a woman. Being a woman is a wonderful thing. It gives you the power to change the world by sheer influence on men and on the coming generations. That kind of power eludes men, and always will, no matter how strong or agile or adept men can be on anything that they are fated for. Nothing can best a mother’s voice in sending a message to a child; only a woman's face could launch a thousand ships; and only a lady’s grace can enchant the most powerful of kings to obey her commands.
Women are what they are; creatures of enchanting beauty, elegance and grace. They are ever so loving, sensitive and selfless. They are also physically weak, mentally fickle and emotionally fragile. They are a ticking emotional time-bomb that can explode anytime, depending on the hormone levels at any given month. But make no mistake about it gals and lads; women are a hardy species – they are very strong, even stronger than men in many facets of life. They just do not know it. All this playing catch up with men in the ultimate race on who gets to be crowned stronger, clouds their vision on how precious a gem it is being woman - and the girl power/strength that comes with it.
Until a woman fully embraces the important role of being a woman, she will constantly strive for the recognition of being considered as strong and as capable as a man. She will do so, even if the reality now is that most man would consider it an honor to be branded as being “like a woman”. Until then, anything she does to make the cut in becoming “as strong and capable” as a man in the context of men, is just “being too strong for her own good.”
It is in the hallowed design… resistance is futile…
I have always been fascinated by strong women, those who have changed the course of history and made the world that is today. There are Hatshepsut, Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth, Anne Frank, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Mother Theresa to name a few. And of course, to each and every one of us, who would forget the strongest woman of all that we know – our mothers.
In the old days and in many societies, women are only considered as the bearer and the nurturer of the familial lines of men. She has to be able to cook the best dishes, wash and iron clothes, bathe the children, and teach them how to read and write, etc. And when nighttime comes, when all her strength has left her, she is expected to take care of her man when he arrives home. Unjust and anti-feminist a portrayal as it may seem to many female activists, many men understand this is no laughing matter. This role that women played throughout history has ensured the survival of tribes, kingdoms and monarchies. It is the most sacred of duties only entrusted upon the worthy. Unfortunately, stereotyping has perverted this sacred role hence the birth of the feminist movement in the late 18th century.
Through the struggles of women in history to regain the rightful recognition for the important role they play in the society, women has grown stronger -- emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically. Seldom would you find a woman in today’s world that is a pushover. There is no debate on how far and how strong women have become and achieved over the years. The only question now is, “How strong is strong enough?”
I often have a debate with my best friend of more than 10 years about this subject. She happens to be one of those women who believe in equality of gender. She would rant for hours on about how women are as strong as men and that they should be given the exact same treatment and recognition that any man gets. I am in no way against what she, or other women, fights for. However, for the sake of argument, I always end up representing the other side of the coin just to point out how some of the arguments of a typical feminist are flawed. Jumping on a public transport, it doesn’t take more than five (5) minutes on average before my point is made – she is the first to criticize the sitting man who, according to her, pretends to sleep just so he doesn’t need to stand up and offer a standing woman his seat. Demanding for equal rights with a bit of special treatment? I rest my case.
Going back to the subject, I think the best starting point is to define what strong is. Is strong being able to carry double your weight? Is it being able to pack a punch that could knock a boxer dead? Is it a woman capable of doing everything a typical man can? Or is it the ability to cry your heart out in public when you are hurt? From different standpoints, I would say it is a yes and no.
Some years ago, in my final years in the university, I was invited as a guest speaker to talk about family values. I was just a normal student, not even a straight-A-dean’s-lister type of student. I was a typical student, alongside accomplished men and women in the list of speakers – some of whom were Vice Presidents of well-known organizations, Presidents of society groups, etc. I don’t know how I made the cut, but I guess they needed someone to talk from the standpoint of a student, and that is how I came in the picture.
I can still remember my opening salvo that day. Confident and bordering on arrogant, I said, “…of all the speakers here that have stood before you, I would like to believe that I am the most relevant of all…” I got everyone’s attention alright, including the other speakers. For a few seconds I was readying myself to receive “boo’s” and rotten tomatoes darting my way. Luckily, no one brought rotten tomatoes and they were all patient enough for my next line to either make it or break it. I did follow up by saying, “I say this because of all the speakers here today, I am the only one that speaks to you from our generation.” Everything was calm after that.
In my piece I discussed about strength, not feminine or masculine, but strength as a person. I talked about the role of every home in building this strength. I was thankful growing up in a household where “…my father taught me how to become a man, and my mother taught me how to become a woman.” I came to see the beauty in both. I was brought up to see the best of both worlds where crying was seen differently from two different view frames - both as weakness and strength. Even luckier that I was made to understand the difference.
In my 33 years, I have never seen my dad shed a tear, not once, not even in his lowest. He is, to me, the real picture of strength. But then when I see my mom cry a tear, completely exposing her weakness, it is in that moment that I see her at her strongest. There is a bothersome conclusion that can be made out of this: crying man = weakness; crying woman = strength. I say bothersome because the conclusion draws us into another stereotyping that has created the supremacy race in the first place. I would like to conclude differently and just say that strength is dependent on the role we are given to play and how we play it. The author of the linked article wrote this beautifully:
“A masculine woman is just manly. I don’t have to wear a suit to be heard. I can be intelligent in a dress. It’s about getting in touch with both sides of yourself and finding out how they serve you best. If your feminine side wants to wear heels, it doesn’t mean you want to be treated like a Barbie doll. You can be a strong woman in pink stilettos.”
I have met and known a lot of women who are confident in their stilettos and yet they are no pushovers like a Barbie doll. These women are worthy of any man’s respect. My mom is one of them. She grooms herself much like any woman is expected to, always prim and proper, chin up and stands elegantly on her heels. But you dare try and push her wrong buttons and you would feel the tip of her stiletto entering your thick skull. She is no pushover, but is definitely a woman in all respect.
Growing up with my dad working overseas, I am a living witness to how my mother raised three difficult kids practically on her own. She also had to keep a day job working full-time as an educator. Every single day, she wakes up early morning to prepare our food, bring us to school, get herself ready for work, labor all day, pick us up from school, cook dinner, feed us, help us in our homework, ready us for bed and bring us to dreamland. At times, fatigue catches up on her, and then she cries. But those cries never came across to me as a cry of helplessness, but rather a battle cry of a weary warrior, gathering whatever energy is left inside of her to ready herself for the tougher battles ahead.
Do I see her as strong? Hell yeah!!! Was she too strong for her own good? Hell no! She accomplished beyond what she was expected without forgetting about her main purpose - to be a woman through and through. She fought hard, but she tapped in to her emotionally fragile side. She cried when she needed to cry but she kept fighting, she kept caring and she kept loving. This is the battle-hardiness that most modern women, in pursuit of gender equality have forgotten nowadays. The daily routine of motherhood coupled with the demands of the day job, the constant cut-throat competition in a world previously owned by men, has made women so strong that they have forgotten how to become a woman.
“A modern day fairy tale – the wife got so strong and so self-sufficient that she stopped being a woman in the relationship. And the relationship died. The end. We’re not anti-feminist and we haven’t swallowed a Fifties’ ‘guide to being a perfect housewife’ manual, we are merely questioning whether, in our quest for independence and equality, we have cut off our feminine nose to spite our masculine face.”
Women have become more and more assertive, independent and reliable. In fact, they have grown so reliable that they even give most men a run for their money in the corporate world – a world previously dominated by men. They have learned to endure physical labor and pain, hide emotions and protect their vulnerabilities from the scrutiny of the outside world – traits that are mostly associated with the male hormones.
However, there is the difference in genetic make-up of men and women that separates one from the other. This basic fact is what makes the argument on gender equality fundamentally flawed. Women and their estrogen are meant to function differently than their counterparts in testosterone. You can try hard to bridge the divide between the two totally different genetic makeups, but doing so would mean that you will wander away from the design that you are intended for.
In essence, women have always been, and will always be, the bearer of life and the light that makes the house a home. They have the genetic makeup to bear, nurture and guide the young souls that they magically bring to this world. Men will always be the hunter that brings the sustenance home and ensures that the roof above is sturdy enough to provide protection. However, slight deviations from these cosmic designs that do not contradict the original intent is, in my opinion, a display of real strength.
Sadly, many women have this twisted idea that in order for them to be considered strong and capable, they should be able to do everything that a man can do, and more. In their journey to fulfill this mission, they have forgotten completely of who they are and what they are supposed to be. So now you see heavily muscled women who can lift weights heavier than the regular man can. There are also those women who can play dirty in politics as most politicians (who were mostly male in the past) can. There are those who would just blatantly not follow any man in any way whatsoever. There are even those extreme cases that refuse to do anything associated to being a woman, i.e. bear child, do household chores, dress, walk and talk like a woman, etc. in order to demonstrate that they are not part of what they see as "inferior" gender collectively known as “woman”. You may challenge me on this, but the mere fact that women try to prove to men that they are the stronger gender gives the connotation that they are challenging the benchmark that is the man.
I am not saying that women have a monopoly on this. Of course there are those guys who, not necessarily gay, would just happily take care of the house and kids and completely leave it to the women to go out there and get the daily bread. Now that is just outright weak! End of discussion. But this is subject for another debate. Men, who do this, do so more because of irresponsibility rather than to fight for gender equality.
From another point of view of strength, I was lucky enough to be a living witness to how my old man has fulfilled his own version of going above and beyond the call of duty – of trying to bridge the great divide between the roles that is the man and the woman. He is in no way an old man. I just like the sound of it. I guarantee you, he is capable of beating you fair and square in any young man’s game. My dad, in my younger years, had to work away from home to provide us a better life. He endured working away from his pillar of strength – his family. He did so to achieve what he envisions to achieve. Soon enough, hard work paid off and we were all hopping on a plane with him, to fly towards and to live in that foreign land where he works. My dad’s discipline is impeccable. I have never seen focus and discipline such as his. He was never emotional; he does not cry at the face of adversity, he never gives up on his dreams. He tried hard to instill that kind of strength, focus and discipline in us. He brought us up with the idea that crying is a sign of weakness in a man’s world. He turned tears into a priceless commodity that only a handful of people or events deserve. He has played the role of the “strong” man that he, either by default or by way of society, was programmed to do. Yet, at home, you would see my dad preparing to cook his special dishes right after he has done the groceries, that too after a long and hard day’s work. In our parents' generation where a man doing the chores of a woman is a sign of weakness, my old man dons a cooking fabric with a smile on his face, his eyes glittering with content. Did I see him as weak? Hell no! Do I see him as stronger than his mates? Hell yeah!!! Just ask my mom for a second opinion.
Two different stories, two different genetic makeups, two different presentations of vulnerabilities turned into strengths – they are the man and the woman. To see a crossover between the two roles, executed in complete harmony, is a sight to behold. But to see a crossover for the sole purpose of recognition or a validation of which gender is stronger is a distortion of the grand design. This is not purely for husbands and wives, but also for brothers and sisters, and even friends alike. To crossover in harmony is to expose your vulnerability so that you can emerge stronger; to cry, even if you are not designed to cry, so you can unload a burden; to challenge the status quo so you can be a better person even when it says you cannot do it because of your gender; to bleed when you are wounded to remind you, male or female, that you are human.
Vulnerability should be taught at home at an early age. Every child has the right to exhibit weakness and be made to deal with it early in their lives. It is okay to let children cry when they feel like crying, whether a boy or a girl. It is also okay to forbid a child from crying when he/she feels like crying, again, whether a boy or a girl. The discretion on what is applicable when is where our ancestral knowledge and our own experience come in.
Our society has become fixated on the terms “weak” and “strong”. If you put our society under the microscope right now, you would immediately see that what came out of this fixation is nothing more than a culture of hiding weaknesses under the blanket of false strength. It has become almost like a universal decree that to show one’s weakness is a criminal offense.
There are different ways of hiding vulnerabilities. They are nothing more than defense mechanisms. They demonstrate a wrong sense of strength; a wrong kind of strength that is dictated by pride or fear of rejection. We tend to back off when we need a hug, instead of asking for one. We tend to endure the physical pain instead of asking for help. We refuse to cry in order to hide emotional anguish. We refuse to ask seemingly stupid questions, for fear of being called an idiot.
Our societal norms have turned us all into specie known as “humans” that has forgotten how to become one. The author was right about dogs when she said:
"In the same way that a dog rolls on to his back to expose his vulnerable, soft, organ-filled tummy in order to get a nice, soothing tummy-rub, if you want people to reach out and help you, to support you, to encourage and notice your efforts, perhaps you need to stop being so ‘strong’ and start being a little more realistic about what you can and can’t manage (or what you can manage, but don’t want to)."
A canine pack dynamics is such a wonderful thing to observe. Dogs communicate differently, they are much more primitive than us in this respect, but they don’t have any miscommunications. They are who they are in every aspect, no masks, no pretentious talks, no misleading body languages, just pure relationships based on trust and reliance on others’ strengths and support for others’ weaknesses. There is no one strongest dog in a pack, it is all about strengths and weaknesses working in complete harmony.
Do not get me wrong. Wanting to be stronger is not a bad thing at all. But we should do so without forgetting what we are meant to be in the first place. After all, your true strength comes from the design you are intended for. No one can ever be better at being a man than a man, in the same way that no one can ever be better at being a woman than a woman. To challenge this basic facet is to embark on a losing battle from the onset.
As I keep telling people, gender wars has nothing to do with who is faster, higher, stronger – that is what the Olympics is for. In the sport we call life; there are no winners or losers. It is either you make it or you don’t. The only qualification for this particular sport is you have to be made of flesh, you breathe and you feel. It doesn’t matter if you are man or woman, black or white, young or old, strong or weak. But much like in the Olympics, if you are meant to run, you run. If you are meant to jump, you jump. A runner may cross-train with a jumper if it would make the runner better, and vice versa. But in the end, the runner will always be the runner, and the jumper, the jumper. Ergo, the man will always be a man, the woman, a woman.
So we come back to the original question, “when does strong become too strong for one’s own good?” Simple. It does when you try to break away from stereotypes by forgetting your own roots. A woman, keeping up with the physical strengths of a man, sporting a six pack abs with a pair of biceps that can haul a 250 pound load is just wrong!!! That contradicts the original design of a woman that is delicate, beautiful, graceful and elegant. She is strong alright, but too strong for her own good.
What we should rid of is the negativities associated with stereotypes. Just because a man uses the line, “because she is a woman…” in the context of not being physically as strong or as alert as a man, women should construe this as men demeaning women. In all honesty, how can being a woman, which is synonymous to beauty, grace, elegance and life, be so demeaning? There is nothing wrong with being a woman. Being a woman is a wonderful thing. It gives you the power to change the world by sheer influence on men and on the coming generations. That kind of power eludes men, and always will, no matter how strong or agile or adept men can be on anything that they are fated for. Nothing can best a mother’s voice in sending a message to a child; only a woman's face could launch a thousand ships; and only a lady’s grace can enchant the most powerful of kings to obey her commands.
Women are what they are; creatures of enchanting beauty, elegance and grace. They are ever so loving, sensitive and selfless. They are also physically weak, mentally fickle and emotionally fragile. They are a ticking emotional time-bomb that can explode anytime, depending on the hormone levels at any given month. But make no mistake about it gals and lads; women are a hardy species – they are very strong, even stronger than men in many facets of life. They just do not know it. All this playing catch up with men in the ultimate race on who gets to be crowned stronger, clouds their vision on how precious a gem it is being woman - and the girl power/strength that comes with it.
Until a woman fully embraces the important role of being a woman, she will constantly strive for the recognition of being considered as strong and as capable as a man. She will do so, even if the reality now is that most man would consider it an honor to be branded as being “like a woman”. Until then, anything she does to make the cut in becoming “as strong and capable” as a man in the context of men, is just “being too strong for her own good.”
It is in the hallowed design… resistance is futile…
Correction! Your best friend for more than FIFTEEN YEARS, not 10!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I still judge men who just pretend to sleep in the train when a woman is standing in front of them. But I do believe women can be smart in high heels and wedges (sorry, I don't wear stilettos!)
I cry on every single sad, happy and romantic movie (teleseryes included).
But I don't think that makes me weak.
Nothing is wrong for a woman to submit to her man. She doesn't have to carry him, but she can be the wind beneath his wings. For me, she is at her strongest when she's strong enough to let her man lean on her when he is at his weakest. :-)
I guess I don't believe in equality that much anymore. But I still believe in Respect.