The Bliss in Surrender

Surrender is a negative word.  It does not exist in any fighter’s book.  It is an order, usually almost always the last one, every general wishes to not ever give.  In surrender we relinquish all our power, accept we no longer are in control, and we resign to our fate.  To surrender is to give up, to concede, to lose.  We live in a world where giving up, losing control or simply just losing are frowned upon. To surrender is to show weakness. So we “man” up.  We set out to conquer life. We struggle. We survive. Battle-hardened, we march on.  No retreat, no surrender.

The reality is nothing in life is ever within our control.  The only thing we have some control over is the way we see, feel and react to what life throws at us.  We cannot conquer life but we can conquer ourselves. The moment we re-learn to accept and embrace this powerful thought, surrender suddenly finds a different meaning.

Life is a string of surrenders.  Our very first experience of it is our first kiss -- that beautiful moment when our hearts raced, that weird, exciting sensation that hijacked all our senses, one that is sometimes depicted to come with a leg lift -- that was surrender.  At that moment the lips touched, we did not know what the future held for us.  There were no thoughts, no debates, no resistance.  We simply surrendered and it was bliss.  For the parents amongst us, before bringing up young souls into this world, our heads were filled with so many ideas, sometimes even captured in checklists – stable job, enough money, own house, travel the world, and a million other things.  When the reality sank in that we probably need at least 20 or so odd years to get there, we tore up the list and took the plunge.  We surrendered and will forever be grateful we did.  Surrender is the letting go of fears, inhibitions, and breaking away from pre-conceived notions.  It is the recognition of reality over expectations.  It is the acceptance that there is only so much we can control. It is in these moments of surrender that we open our doors to let the beauty of life flow in.

Many times we find ourselves in the midst of a raging storm. One difficulty pops up after another - a difficult co-worker, a problematic child, an ocean of deliverables, a demanding partner, a spiteful neighbor, a credit card hacked dry right when it is time to pay the bills, and when you think things can’t get any worse, a leaking water pipe or a broken car also comes along.  Heck, even a busted bathroom light can tip the scale from normal to coocoo.  We get so overwhelmed with the noise and chaos that, as if to preserve us, our survival instincts automatically kick in.  We lift our shoulders up and fight on.  We are a resilient bunch, and when the choice is “fight” over “flight” in the face of uncertainty and adversity, failure and surrender are just never an option.  The downside is it is so easy to get dragged into a constant “fight” mode. And life in a constant state of a quasi-war brings with it a dense fog that obstructs all the beauty that surrounds us. 

There is no one to blame but ourselves.  The world we created imposed upon us a kind of programming to not fail, to not give up, and to not show weakness in order to make it.  We developed valuable competencies essential to getting ahead in a cutthroat environment -- the constant need to be organized, to be thorough down to the last detail, to always make the right decisions, to be always in full and total control, and to always come out on top. This made life so convoluted that we constantly torture ourselves.  We overthink every conversion, every option, every decision, and we even overthink every emotion.  We live in constant fear of failure, of criticisms, of showing weaknesses, that we practically removed “surrender”, and with it “acceptance”, from our vocabularies.  We puny humans have completely forgotten what the mighty dogs have not -- to get that satisfying tummy rub, one must lay down one’s armor, expose one’s vulnerabilities, and surrender.  

To surrender, to relinquish our power, to accept we no longer are in control, and to fully resign to our fate is never going to be easy.  We will always be filled with doubts but when we surrender our fears and anxiety, we begin to understand the full force of faith.  We will always have unmet expectations but when we surrender our expectations, we begin to grasp the value of gratitude. We will always make mistakes but when we surrender our constant need to be right, we begin to experience the power of apology and compromise. We will never be perfect but when we surrender to our flaws and imperfections, we begin the journey to becoming better human beings. 

Life is short.  If you do an accounting of your life backwards you will realize how life really flashes before our eyes at such a frightening pace. At the time of writing this, 463 is my life in months. The average Filipino male lifespan is 68 years or 816 months. For me personally, 353 months (give or take another hundred or so) is too short to be wasted in complicating it. Life should be as simple as laughing when we are happy, crying when we are sad, grieving when we suffer a loss, and just feeling and living the moment with all our senses unhindered. I suppose, in everything, all we can ever really do is give it our all and leave everything else to divine grace.

The key is in the surrender.  The next time a driver cuts you off on the highway on your way to work, surrender your space and give yourself (and the freakin’ a-hole) breathing space so you can both safely get to your destination.  When you get to the office and get entangled in a heated discourse with a difficult co-worker, surrender your anger, smile and engage them in a more pleasant conversation.  At the grocery store on your way home, surrender your space in the queue to that haggard-looking woman behind you with a small child having a tantrum fit. Surrender your change to the cart man who helped you load your groceries and, if you have some more to spare, surrender them to the beggar at the parking lot without passing any judgement. Then when you reach home and get troubled by a problematic kid, surrender your quiet time to listen and try to get to know them some more.  Try these and see how it suddenly transforms this gloomy and pathetic excuse for a habitable planet into an eternal source of beauty and sunshine.  It is these small acts of kindness that could sometimes make the difference between paradise and hell. 

When all is said and done, at the end of the long hard day, you jump into the shower and surrender to that wonderful sensation of every single drop of water lovingly caressing every inch of your skin.  You feel the rush of calm that envelopes your whole being. You sense the energy slowly come seeping back through your veins as you witness the troubles of the day go down the drain.  Seriously, when was the last time you had a shower without being rushed?  It is one of life’s simplest pleasures that we fail to notice because of the pace at which we live it. Then as you step out of the shower and as you reach for the towel to pat dry the bliss and the calm that blankets you, the damn bathroom light flickers… and dies.  You are reminded once again that nothing is ever really under your control.  You can start ripping off the shower curtain until the curtain rod gives and then grab that curtain rod and start whacking things to pieces, but no!  You found bliss in surrender.  So you so simply say, “What the pak?!,” raise an eyebrow in disbelief, laugh a little, then surrender once again cause the damn thing can wait for tomorrow, or the next.  You contentedly dressed up, slip under the sheets and, for the day, surrender one last time...