Halloween Laugh Trip

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

We have TRIED our very BEST. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

Comments

What people are reading...

Philippines Withdraws from the ICC

Woke up today to the news that the Philippines is finally pulling out of the ICC. The mainstream media, as expected, started looking into the legitimacy of the act while taking the opportunity to once again throw the EJK trash in the equation, still hoping that the shit would stick somewhere, somehow. It's already been 19 months that they have been trying the same approach, with some help from their friends - the political minority, the human rights groups, the UN HR, and lately, the ICC.

The World is a Wonderful Place

A true story, happened in 1892 at Stanford University: An 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education. They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success. The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible. “No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have...

Lost Wallet, A Great Love Story

As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years. The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago. It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him. It was signed, Hannah. It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. May...

What Really Matters in Life?

Mexican Fisherman Meets Harvard MBA A vacationing American businessman standing on the pier of a quaint coastal fishing village in southern Mexico watched as a small boat with just one young Mexican fisherman pulled into the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Enjoying the warmth of the early afternoon sun, the American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish. "How long did it take you to catch them?" the American casually asked. "Oh, a few hours," the Mexican fisherman replied. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American businessman then asked. The Mexican warmly replied, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The businessman then became serious, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" Responding with a smile, the Mexican fisherman answered, "I sleep late, play with my children, watch ballgames, and take sies...

The Problem with Dandelions

A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him. Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: "What shall I do now?" In due course, the reply came: "We suggest you learn to love them."

Philippine Election 2019: A Case for Migration

There has been a number of story runs on the media the past couple of days regarding the search keywords ‘migrate’ and ‘migrating’ trending HARD soon after the election. Seeing that it involved data analytics and number crunching, which is a passion of mine and is a good part of my day job for the past 17 years, it immediately struck a chord. I first saw it on Rappler. I read through the article and, as soon as I was done, searched online to see what other agencies ran the story and how they presented it. Using google search tools, I saw the first run of the story is by Davinci Maru of ABS-CBN at 11:47pm on May 13, 2019, entitled “Dismayed at initial poll results, Filipinos search for ‘migrate’ online. Then the Philippine Star soon followed, with a more detailed account of the interview. To give credit where credit is due, of all the story runs, only the Philippine Star article actually provided more useable content, rather than the usual strategy emp...

History: The Battle of Bataan

These are the writings on the wall of the Dambana ng Kagitingan (Shrine of Valor) in Mt. Samat, Pilar, Bataan - a monument built to remember and to celebrate the resilience of the human spirit. Reading through the inscriptions sent chills to my bones. It makes me proud to be a Filipino, even more so being a Bataenyo (a native of Bataan). Let this be a reminder to us all, of the valor and the glory of our roots. We shall not forget... "Our mission is to remember." Photo by Irwin Richard Dizon The Battle of Bataan On this ground gallant men chose to die than surrender. From all corners of the Philippines they came, youthful and brave, to make their last stand in Bataan against an implacable enemy which had marched through Asia. What transpired was a ferocious combat between raw, ill-equipped recruits against seasoned, well-armed troops.

New Year Resolutions

Another year is over. Before the hands of time struck the final minute of 2012, we all had a clear vision of what we wanted for our 2013 -- the so called "New Year Resolutions". Some made a promise to live healthier e.g. lose weight, stop smoking, etc. Others have more abstract resolutions like, "will be happier", "will smile more", "will be more sensitive", etc. And there are others like me with a very simple resolution, go on a "no rice diet". In the business lingo, this goal makes a lot of sense because it is SMART (S=specific, M=measurable, A=attainable, R=relevant and T=timely). There is no way this cannot succeed as it makes for a perfect goal. However, there was a big flaw in the plan -- as the clock struck twelve, I had my right hand flexing its muscles with a spoonful of rice. Need I say more? To make long story short, I was doomed to fail from the get go. And so I welcomed 2013 with a broken promise.

How the Poor Live

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.” “Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked. “Oh yeah,” said the son. “So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden, and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on, and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have wall...

Obstruction of Persecution

There is something fundamentally wrong with the state of affairs in our country right now that makes it awfully hard for anyone to be neutral. I personally have tried for so long to remain objective in interpreting the news. I have always believed that no matter how flawed our justice system may be, we should always put our trust in our government and in our institutions to somehow work for us, the people. After all, if we just simply say the institutions are corrupt and we no longer honor them, we condemn our society to eternal chaos. A flawed system is better than no system at all. And so for lack of clear strategy to address fundamental system flaws, every administration for years has maintained the status quo in order not to rock the boat. The rise of Duterte to power has rocked the boat and has disrupted the status quo. Flaws within the systems are exposed. Social classes are challenged. Power and influence struggles ensued. ...

The Standpoint

Search This Blog