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Funny Pinoy Jokes

Here is a collection of funny Pinoy Jokes all over the net.  This post will be updated as regularly as possible, with the latest jokes showing at the top.


Learn Useful French Words in Minutes

1. TURN - le coup

2. LITER - le true

3. BEHIND - le coud

4. ALMS - le mousse

5. FIVE - le ma

6 . FLY - le pad

7. DEAD SKIN - le bag

8. CONFUSED - le tou

9. NO LONGER A VIRGIN - les pag

10. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND - cou ma le wah

11. CITY - ce vou

12. DRUGS - sha vou

13. GOODBYE - va vou

14. MUSICAL BAND - com vou

15. BALD - cal vou

16. CAUGHT IN THE ACT - na vou coup, na coup!!

17. FEATHERS - valahe vou

18. UNCLEAR - ma la vou

19. SINK - lah va vou

20. COCONUT - vou coup

21. OPEN WIDE - vou camou

22. CIRCUMCISE - vou ratattoule

23. ALWAYS UP - va yagriah

24. YOU'RE HOT - le voug mou

25. WASHROOM - coup vaetta

26. JAIL - coup lou ngan

27. SUPER BOOBS - la que zouosu

28. BOOGER - coup la ngout

29. BIG SCAR - va coup cangh

30. BIG MOUTH - chez moussa

31. NAGGER - vou nga nguerrah

32. TADPOLE - vou teiteh    


Confession

Maria goes to a confession...

Maria:  Father, forgive me for I have sinned.  Ang kasalanan ko po eh ang boypren ko pinahawakan sa akin ang kanyang ari at pinamasahe nya sa akin....

Pari:  Para sa kasalanan mo na yan, kailangan mong hugasan ang iyong kamay ng holy water.

Pumunta si Maria sa lalagyan ng holy water at ng malapit na ito, nakakita sya ng isang babae na nagmumumog ng holy water...

hhmmmmmmmmmm


What is a Kiss?

Teacher: Define Kiss?

Juan: Kiss is an upper penetration for a lower invasion, that will lead to deeper penetration, with fast acceleration, that will lead to the creation, of the next next generation.

Teacher: Correct!!!!      


Problems of Athiests

Q: What's the biggest problem of atheists?

A: They have no one to call out to during orgasm.


Burning Love

Q. What is " Burning Love"?

A. It's when you reach for the KY Jell and pick up the BENGAY instead!


Riddle Time - Starts with F

Q: What word starts with F, and ends with UCK, and causes a lot of noise and excitement?

A: FiretrUCK


Why Women are Stronger Than Men

Women are stronger than men because...

women can carry 2 mountains at a time,

while men can only carry 2 eggs, and that's with the help of a bird.


Di na Kailangan

Maria: Sweetie, luma na ang mga bra ko. Kailangan ko nang bumili ng mga bago. Bigyan mo naman ako ng pang shopping.

Juan: Huwag na sweety pie, maliit naman ang bumpers mo so di mo na kailngan mag bra, di ba.

Maria: Ganun ba? Eh ikaw bakit ka pa nagsusuot ng brief?


Call Girl

Nabagabag si Maria dahil napansin niyang tila wala ng gana sumiping sa kanya ang asawa niyang si Juan. Humingi siya ng payo sa kaibigan niyang si Alma. At pinayuhan siya ng kaibigan...

Alma: Mamayang gabi magayos call girl ka at abangan mo siya sa daan pag uwi.

Maria: Sige! Magandang idea yan. Susubukan ko!

Pag sapit ng dilim...

Maria: Hi Pogi! Ano gimik natin? Gusto mo ba ng good time?

Juan: Eeyew! Di kita type, kadiri! Kamukha mo asawa ko!


English Lesson - Sleeping Juan

English Teacher (catching Juan sleeping): Juan! Name me 2 pronouns!

Juan: Who? Me?

Englsih Teacher: That is correct! I thought you were not paying attention.


Gonorrhea of the Foot

Pedro goes to a doctor with his complaint

Pedro: Doc I have a problem. I have a very sore toe and I cant seem to cure it! I tried everyting!

Doc: Let me have a look...Ahh you have Gonorhea of the foot!

Pedro: Gonorhea of the foot? That's kinda unusual isn't it?

Doc: Yeah it is! It's a day of unusual ailments... Just this morning your girlfriend came to see me and I found out she had Athletes Foot of the Vagina!  


Pacman sa Deal or No Deal

Noodle!!!

Noodle!! Noodle!!


Pangalan ng Anak ni Pacman

Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.

Pacman: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.

Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.

Pacman: Talaga 'nay? Anu?

Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)


Aling Dionisia and her Seeds

Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.

Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?

Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.


Pacman and Eggplant

Pacman: Nay, tanong ng titser ko sa klase kanina, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?  Di ko nasagot.

Aling Dionisia:  Sabihin mo sa titser mo, pag may egg yun, turta na yun, turta!!!


Nagdilim ang Paningin

Juan:  Pare, nagaway kami ni misis kagabi, nagdilim ang paningin ko!!!

Pedro:  Naku pare!!! Anong nangyari? Sinaktan mo si misis?!?!

Juan:  Hindi pare... sinakal ako ni misis... di ako nakahinga... nagdilim paningin ko...


Tagalog Translation again

Teacher: Okay class, today I will ask you to construct a sentence in English, then you will translate it to Tagalog afterwards.  Who wants to go first?

Juan: Me! Me! Me!

Teacher: Okay Juan, you go first.

Juan: My titser is very beautiful, isn't she?

Teacher: *blushing* Very good Juan!!!  Now translate in Tagalog!

Juan: Ang titser ko at maganda, maganda nga ba?


Tagalog Translation

Teacher:  Okay class, our lesson for today is translation.  I will say an english word and you will translate in tagalog.  Who wants to go first?

Pedro:  Me teacher, I want to go first!

Teacher:  Okay pedro, I want you to translate "I have a blue book" in Tagalog.

Pedro: Easy ma'am, "Merong akong librong asul"

Teacher:  Very good Pedro!  Now who wants to go next?

Juan:  Ako po ma'am I want to go next!!

Teacher: Ok Juan, I want you to translate "guy", "mother", father" and "you", then use them all in a sentence.

Juan:  Yun lang po? Madali lang yan! "Guy" is Ma, "Mother" is mama, "Father" is Tay, "You" is Ka.

Teacher: That is good!  Okay, now put in a sentence.

Juan: Very easy ma'am..... "Ma-mama-tay-ka!"


Balance Sheet

Teacher:  Class, what is a balance sheet?

Pedro: (eagerly raising and waving his hand)  Ma'am, ma'am, me, me, me!!!

Teacher: Okay Pedro, what is a balance sheet?

Pedro: A balance sheet is what you get after a balance diet


Nais Magbigti

Juan:  Pare, bakit may tali yang paa mo?

Pedro: Eh gusto ko kasing magbigti eh.

Juan: Eh bakit sa paa, diba sa leeg dapat yan nakalagay?

Pedro: Oo nga pare, sinubukan ko na yun kanina eh... Hindi ako makahinga pare... Mahirap

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