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Showing posts from October, 2013

Halloween Laugh Trip

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company anoth

How Will You Be Remembered?

Someday, you will only be a memory to some people.  Have you ever thought about how you will be remembered? In 1888, a wealthy businessman woke up one day to read his obituary on a French newspaper.  The words were, "Le marchand de la mort est mort" which means, "The merchant of death is dead". The papers went on to say that the man who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before, died yesterday.  He, of course, was still very much alive at the time.  This came as a wake up call to the man whose name is tagged to some of the most amazing yet horrible armament inventions of our time. Upon his death, 18 years later after reading his obituary, his family and friends were surprised to find out what he has written on his will.  The man allocated 94% of his total assets to the formation of what is now regarded as one of the most respected foundations in the world.  The man is Dr. Alfred Bernhard Nobel,  the man behind the Nobel Peace Prize

Buying an Hour of Daddy's Time

The man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may I ask you a question? “Yeah, sure, what is it?” – replied the man. “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?” “That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” – the man said angrily. “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” – pleaded the little boy. “If you must know, I make $20 an hour.” “Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10 please?” The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you’re being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.” The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down a

The Miracle of $1.11, A True Story

Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn’t have the money for the doctor bills and our house. Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no-one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, “Only a miracle can save him now.” Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for

The World is a Wonderful Place

A true story, happened in 1892 at Stanford University: An 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education. They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success. The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible. “No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have

A Box of Kisses

Some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, “This is for you, Daddy.” He was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside it?” The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,”Oh, Daddy, it is not empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Daddy.” The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness. It is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for years and whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a ve

How the Poor Live

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.” “Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked. “Oh yeah,” said the son. “So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden, and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on, and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have wall

If a Dog Was Your Teacher

If a dog was your teacher, these are some of the lessons you might learn… When loved ones come home, always run to greet them Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face, to be pure ecstasy When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory Take naps and stretch before rising Run romp and play daily Thrive on attention and let people touch you Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout, run right back and make friends Delight in the simple joy of a long walk Eat with gusto and enthusiasm Stop when you have had enough Be loyal Never pretend to be something you’re not If what you want lies buried, dig u

Lesson from the Hedgehogs

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The Problem with Dandelions

A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him. Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: "What shall I do now?" In due course, the reply came: "We suggest you learn to love them."

The Sense of Goose

by Dr. Harry Clarke Noyes  ARCS NEWS, Vol. 7, No. 1, January 1992  Next  fall, when  you see Geese  heading South for  the Winter, flying along  in V formation, you might  consider what science has dis‐  covered as to why they fly that way:  as each bird flaps its wings, it creates an  uplift for the bird immediately following. By  flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least  71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.  People who share a common direction and sense of community  can get where they are going more quickly and easily  because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.  When  a goose falls  out of formation,  it suddenly feels the drag  and resistance of trying to go it alone  and quickly gets back into formation to take  advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.  If we have as much sense as a goose,  we will stay in formation  with those who are headed the same way we are.

The Law of the Garbage Truck

By David J. Pollay One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take th

The Pretty One

By Roger Dean Kiser It had been a very long night. Our black cocker spaniel ‘Precious’ was having a difficult delivery. I lay on the floor beside her large four-foot square cage, watching her every movement. Watching and waiting, just in case I had to rush her to the veterinarian. After six hours the puppies started to appear. The first-born was black and white. The second and third puppies were tan and brown in color. The fourth and fifth were also spotted black and white. “One, two, three, four, five,” I counted to myself as I walked down the hallway to wake my wife, Judy, and tell her that everything was fine. As we walked back down the hallway and into the spare bedroom, I noticed a sixth puppy had been born and was now laying all by itself over to the side of the cage. I picked up the small puppy and laid it on top of the large pile of puppies, who were whining and trying to nurse on the mother. Precious immediately pushed the small puppy away from rest of the group. She r

Lost Wallet, A Great Love Story

As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years. The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago. It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him. It was signed, Hannah. It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. May

The Fat Lady

By Chong Sheau Ching Hi! How are you?” The woman smiled as she took the seat beside me. She had to lower herself slowly, squeezing her ample bottom into the seat, filling all available space. Positioning herself comfortably, she plopped her enormous arm on our common armrest. Her immensity saturated the space around us, shrinking me and my seat into insignificance. I cringed and reclined towards the window. She leaned towards me and repeated her greeting in an upbeat, friendly voice. Her face towered above my head, forcing me to turn to look at her. “Hi,” I replied with obvious loathing. I turned away to stare out the cabin window, sulking silently about the long hours of discomfort I was going to experience with this monster beside me. She nudged me with her meaty arm. “My name is Laura. I’m from Britain. How about you? Japan?” “Malaysia,” I barked. “I’m so sorry! Will you accept my heartfelt apology? Come, shake my hand. If we’re going to spend six hours side-by-sid

The Last Cab Ride

A true story by Kent Nerburn Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. One time I arrived in the middle of the night for a pick up at a building that was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute,” answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it

What Really Matters in Life?

Mexican Fisherman Meets Harvard MBA  A vacationing American businessman standing on the pier of a quaint coastal fishing village in southern Mexico watched as a small boat with just one young Mexican fisherman pulled into the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Enjoying the warmth of the early afternoon sun, the American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish. "How long did it take you to catch them?" the American casually asked. "Oh, a few hours," the Mexican fisherman replied. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American businessman then asked. The Mexican warmly replied, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The businessman then became serious, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" Responding with a smile, the Mexican fisherman answered, "I sleep late, play with my children, watch ballgames, and take sies

Notes from a Student of Life

From one student of life to another, I share my notes on what I have learned so far in my journey. I have learned that... Life always begins with a cry so don't expect to get through life without one (or more... okay, fine! many!).  Cry your heart out when you need to.  But when the tears dry up, you better be ready to roll again cause life will not let up.  Just because I am strong enough to handle pain doesn't mean I deserve it.  Just because life makes you feel pain even when you don't deserve it doesn't mean life is shit. Life is like a movie and we all are the writers, the directors and the actors of our own movie.  The kind of movie you want to be remembered by is really all up to you.  Heaven and hell do exist - right here, right now.  You are free to choose where you want to be. Missing a lot does not mean you failed to live a full life.  We can't experience them all and we can't have them all.  A full life is a life filled with what matters

The Answer to Racism: Kill everyone!

If only everyone were a killer. This world would be such a wonderful place!